“Me first” is a pretty natural way to move through the world.
Me first in line. Me first at the table. Me first when decisions are made. Me first when resources are distributed. Me first when my needs, my opinions, and my preferences are being considered.
Jesus offers us another way: after you.
That was the simple challenge I gave the children at The Neighborhood Church this week. We talked about how easy it is to put ourselves first—and how difficult it can be to notice what someone else needs. The phrase “after you” sounds small, almost old-fashioned. But it can become a way of life. It can shape how we treat our friends, our families, our coworkers, our neighbors, and the people who worship beside us.
As I served communion to one little girl at the end, she whispered as she smiled, “After you!”
The New Testament gives us more than sixty instructions about how we are to relate to “one another.” That’s a lot of attention to pay to our relationships. Apparently, Jesus knew that following him would never be merely a private exercise. Faith would have to be lived out among other people.
This week, we focused on one of those instructions from Ephesians:
“Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ.” —Ephesians 5:21, NRSV
The words submission and authority come with a lot of baggage. They have been used to justify everything from healthy leadership to abuse. So we have to be careful. We cannot simply import the world’s ideas about power into the church and then use a Bible verse to bless them.
Paul is not telling us to help powerful people stay powerful. He is describing a different kind of community—one in which we use whatever authority, influence, strength, or privilege we have for the good of someone else.
That changes the question.
Instead of asking, “Who is in charge?” we begin asking, “How can I use what I have been given to help others flourish?”
Instead of asking, “How do I get my way?” we ask, “How can I make room?”
Instead of climbing over people to gain power, we look for ways to lift people up.
This does not mean that structures and responsibilities no longer matter. Families, churches, governments, and organizations all have necessary forms of leadership. But within the community of Jesus, no one’s position makes them more valuable than anyone else.
Some people make decisions. Others support those decisions. Some people stand on the platform. Others serve quietly behind the scenes. Some people have more authority in a particular setting, while others have less.
But nobody matters more.
There is no hierarchy of human value in the kingdom of God.
That is why Jesus’ own life matters so much here. He did not use power to dominate people or protect his own status. He humbled himself. He placed himself beneath others. He gave his life for the sake of others.
To submit to one another, then, is not to become less human or less whole. It is to become the kind of person who can say, “I will use my life for your benefit, not only my own.”
Our communities desperately need spaces where people are not required to prove their worth before they belong. Churches should be places where we make room for one another—for different experiences, different backgrounds, different political opinions, different abilities, and different ways of seeing the world.
Even when someone is completely wrong about sports.
The invitation is simple, but it is not easy: practice saying “after you” more often than “me first.” Make room. Show grace. Use your authority for the good of others.
That is what it looks like for the church to become the church.
If you’re a church leader, especially in the church communications space, I want to invite you to check out Church Comms Dashboard, an online platform that creates a calm center for church communications. I’m developing it now, and I’m looking for private beta users to kick the tires, break stuff, and then complain to me so I can fix more stuff until it’s perfect.
And if I can serve you in any other way when it comes to communications, hit me up!